The Mind of a Simple Ton

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See you on the other side....

www.myspace.com/trestrio

Nevermind about the explanation of the last blog... if you want to know where you fit personally into what I was thinking... just let me know... and i'll tell you.

Epiphany.... "I'm obligated to tell the truth... You're not obligated to listen AND vice versa"... pretty much sums up every relationship I have in all thier different forms. I'll write more on this later... because its good and juicy stuff. But right now.. I have more of an obligation to sleep.

Dayne... you silly wonderful, bright white, beautiful-minded bloke you...
He wrote this song called "What If I?" a bunch of years back and the song still stick with me. I wish I could fit it onto my songlist on this site.. but the file is too big. Talks about being afraid of this and that... and... actually... most of the song, you'd have to be either high or drunk to think you understand the lyrics... BUT who needs those other lyrics when you have a question like that? That is why two year olds can ask the deepest of life's questions without any comprehension of an actual answer. Why?
What If I... is the adult's version of "why?"... we have learned that there are consequences and reactions to the decisions we make, but just slower at learning than a 2 year old. We want to know, like the child, if the world is still affected a little from us making our mark... or if the world is going to effect us... because we're bringing educated guesses and logic to the table instead of childlike curiosity now.
What If I did this? What If I loved this person? What If I took one more step? What If I followed that lot in life instead of this? What If I took the path less traveled? What If I never ate dessert or smoked that one cigarette? OH... not to mention the What If I's... that lead us somewhere... What If I fail again? What If I lose her? What If I don't care if I lose her? What If I follow in that degenerate's footsteps? What If I only cry if I'm supposed to? What If I only laugh when I'm supposed to? What If I don't call?
Loaded question Dayne. But you can't take full credit for asking it... we all do. (at least the one's who care about where we are and where we are going) I suppose the only ones who could be comfortable answering a question like "what if i" are the ones who have a great track record of decisions and circumstance that leads them to believe... "this will be ok either way". I think to a point... I am. But this isn't about me. You wouldn't be reading if it were. You are curious about how this applies to you. You are asking your own "What If I" questions on a daily basis, whether you know it or not. And I'll say it like a good amatuer psychologist would... You should be if you're not. At least I hope this isn't about me. I guess to a point it is... i'm writing it.
Makes me think of my different roles in life thus far though... I was just contacted by an old friend from Perry Ga. Danny Deal. Loved that kid. I guess he's not a kid anymore, but I had to see his face to believe it. An ADULT! AAAHHH!!! If you're reading this Danny, its good to see your face again. Anyways... we're talking about a whole new Tres from when Danny knew me. When I reflect on memories of blissful past, I tend to stop at college or skip right back to being a trouble-making punk in elementary. I miss those years in between when I was forming my intellectual muscle. Who was I to Danny Deal, Tim Nasworthy, Lance Jarrell, Keith Williams, Jaqi Chapman, Bobby Dees, the guys on my football team, the kids in the youth group at church, my mom and sister, the adults who had to tolerate me? I can't even fathom who that person was. I have to rely on stories and pictures to believe it. I think to a point... I want those childhood friends to forget who I was... if I don't know, I definitely don't want them to. Ok, It is about me now... and unless your name was mentioned there... you probably quit reading. That's ok. I love you anyways. :)
I've been at a lot of lots in life. I've been many things to many people... and now that I'm doing things on my own... trying to stay out of people's way... I'm much more aware of the roles I've taken and can appreciate the good and bad times much more so than looking back and saying "hhhmmm". I do wonder, don't you about yourself?.... about what people will remember about you. What if I leave the wrong impression on a person in one lot in life... and turn out to be the opposite of that in the next? To them, it will be as if I died and thier remaining thoughts of me is something I wouldn't want to be said during my funeral. My soon-to-never born kids would have to hear "Tres was an ass and cheated me of 5 dollars, don't mind me... I'll get it myself."
Oh, you know you have fantasized about going back to a reunion to see how people have turned out...hoping the best or the worst for them. You want to know mine? I secretly hope that Melissa Dominy (my first love) ended up choosing the right guys to be with instead of the popular pricks. Different note... I hope the popular pricks became street vendors with an IQ to boot. You've got some secret fantasies... spill it.
Am I who you expected to see here? Am I who you thought I would be? Am I a life who's lived or procrastinated by holding onto childish "why" questions with the curiosity to boot. I can't wait to answer that question for myself when I'm a ,soon-to-never, father. Congrats by the way to Ruben and Emily; and Dayne and Jamie on thier baby-making skills. I can't wait to see how these kids turn out.
What If I... follow through, using educated guesses, love and logic, stamina of perspective and experience, to lead me to God knows where? I guess God will still know where whether I "fill in the blank" or not. What If I?... hmmm....

So, its a good thing I'm sick. I feel like someone stuffed my chest full of mucus and sewed a lining of it to my throat. I bet it was that creepy dwarf from Cat's Eye... always stealing breath when people sleep. He's not hiding in my wall though... he's in my head... i can feel him moving around in there. Ouch. Stop. Right... so, its a good thing i'm sick... because if I wasn't, then I would have been making up excuses of why I didn't have anyone to hang out with for the past couple of days. I like my roommates, but we dont do anything together. Never a game of cards... never a board game... not even a 2-player video game. The only thing we've ever shared together was watching tv and going out to eat a few times in the past year and a half. BLAH! Of course, I dont want to say anything... because I dont want to start anything. Besides, what am I going to say??? The only reason I bring it up at all is because i believe they dont read this blog. Its not them though... matter of fact, I feel a little guilty for even mentioning it, because B. is working out relationship stuff with a new girl (always a time stealer) and J. is having some tough family issues. I'm not pressing on those at all... i'm just saying... its easier to work through things when you have friends to do it with you.... and it would take next to no effort to be friends with the people in the same place you live. Well... i probably wouldn't be thinking on this at all if I had an outside source to go to. I could drive 5 hours everytime i get a night off (and not sick) to go hang out with friends in D.C. (if you are reading this and think i'm complaining for a pity party... quit reading.... I dont care what you think anyways) I've just got that lonely feeling. I had someone to hang out with every once in a while... a guy from work... but that's gone to crap I think. I will not... I refuse... You cannot make me... No way in hell... Never.... will I interfere with sight, influence or sound between two "lovers" who met through me. Since I dont know his, or hers, plans outside of work together... I can't call. What if I call while they are naked? What if I ruin a moment of blissful eye gazing? What if I ruin thier game of cards, board game, or 2-player video game? I know how much I want it... I'm not ruining it for someone else. Its'a good thing I'm sick. Its a good thing I have cabin fever.

Torino is full of unadulterated violence this year. The Olympics has been a friendly competition between countries in pursuit of athletic excellence. Not this time around... it seems that even partners representing the same country are having fueds that can only be settled in one fashion... Kicking Butt.

The girl resorts to hair pulling when jujitsu simply was not enough to get the point across to Renaldo, aka... "The Spinning Fury".